Gotham's (Slightly Mad) Finest Family
by TaurianHeroine
Summary: Bruce is a bit OCD, Dick has too much fun with the ladies, Jason is Jason, Tim is a pint-sized genius, Damian is at least (by Tim's reckoning) 1 percent evil, and Alfred is (possibly) the sanest of them all; but what they have in common is that they're family and they love each other (most of the time). This is a series of AU one-shots that are mostly humor/fluff. Hope you enjoy!
1. Beach Days (Part 1)

**AN: Welcome, my lovely readers, to my new FanFiction, which will be a series of one-shots focused mostly on the Batfamily but's going to include other characters (maybe even some of the villains will get their own chapters!). The genres will range, but what's the point of having a series of one-shots without fluff? Lots o' fluff, at that? (These stories are AU)**

**This first chapter is for the welcome summer that's finally headed our way! Uh… sorry, any readers in the southern hemisphere :O But it's been cold. Really cold.**

**Please R&R! Hope you enjoy and if you have any requests, then request away! I'll do my best!**

**Dick: 14; Jason: 12; Tim: 6 (Damian will appear in later chapters with the girls, pinky-promise!)**

* * *

Chapter 1 – Beach Days (Part 1)

Summer was finally here, bringing with it warmth and long days. Even Gotham seemed to buzz with life now that its residents didn't have to hide indoors from Jack Frost. Nearly everyone was happy. 'Nearly' being the keyword – at Wayne Manor, things weren't looking so swell.

"What do you mean, it went 'splat'?" Bruce Wayne glared dangerously at the AC technician.

"Exactly what it sounds like, Mr. Billionaire," the man drawled as he stood up, wiping his hands off on his pants. "Gonna cost you an arm and a leg to get it fixed. Good thing I already got the parts, or it'd cost you even more."

"Then I'll fix it myself," Bruce growled.

"You can't," the man smirked. "You got yourself a wack-job of an air conditioner. Ain't nobody but one company in Germany that still makes parts for it."

"Then I'll buy the parts."

"You can't do that, either, lest you like the idea of living in an oven. It's gonna take forever for you to get 'lm. They only make them with the orders, and the orders have to be in bulk."

"Then I'll buy some from you." Bruce was growing more and more agitated. It was too hot for this. His shirt was sticking to his back and haggling with this man out in the sun wasn't going to put him in a better mood.

"No can do, Mr. Billionaire."

"Why not?"

"'Cause they're not up for sale, that's why not! Only way you're gonna get cool air in this hole for the next few weeks is if you hand over some cash."

Bruce opened his mouth to argue, but at that time three sets of footsteps came running his way from around the corner of the manor.

"Hey, Bruce!" Dick greeted as he skidded to a stop, not affected at all by the infernal heat that plagued them. The other two, though, were a bit out of breath, particularly Tim, who wasn't used to much physical exercise. He only smiled weakly at Bruce while Jason neglected to say anything at all.

"Boys, go back inside, I'm doing business right now-"

"No, you're not," Dick replied. "You're paying this guy and then getting ready to go to the beach – Alfred's orders."

Bruce frowned. "I'm your father, so I think I get a say in what we're going to do."

Dick and Jason groaned simultaneously. Tim slumped a little then looked up at Bruce with wide, puppy dog-eyes. "Can't we still go, though, Daddy? Please?"

_Crap. Not the eyes._ Bruce tried to steel himself against their power, but found himself caving. He needed to work harder on this 'father' thing, which meant learning how to say no. He looked at the technician, who was grinning unashamedly now in a way that said 'hand it over'. Bruce reached into his pocket and as he did, the two older boys whooped for joy at their victory. Tim's pout disappeared into a smile as he gave his father's leg a quick hug then hurried back into the manor with the older two.

"Thank you for your business, sir," the technician said, stuffing the money in his pocket. "I appreciate it-"

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

After over an hour of driving, they finally found an unpopulated beach. Bruce pulled off, still a bit annoyed over losing to the technician. Dick was frowning in the passenger seat.

"What? Where's the other people? The surfers? The girls?"

"Exactly." It was Bruce's turn to smirk now. "No girls. Just us, the sand, and the ocean."

"Plus the air and clouds and sun!" Tim added proudly. Jason rolled his eyes, unbuckling his seat belt and doing the same for Tim.

"Who cares if there's no girls? That means we've got the beach to ourselves," he commented as he opened the door.

_If only you'd always think that way_, Bruce thought to himself hopelessly. Jason was a rare find for still thinking that way at his age, but Bruce knew that wasn't going to last.

"Yeah, and no girl germs," Tim said. His father smiled. He still had a few years with Tim.

"Exactly. I've taught you well, young Skywalker." Jason grinned as they all got out and went the back to unpack their stuff.

"I think you've got your characters wrong, Jason," Dick said. "You can't be Yoda. Tim probably could, because he's small and already smarter than you." Jason glared but he continued. "Nah, you're more like… Anakin Skywalker."

"Anakin?" Tim asked. Bruce was already shaking his head. While this information would insult any other member of the Batfamily, or anyone even associated with the Justice League, really, he knew that this would just amp up Jason's ego even more.

"You know, Darth Vader," Dick explained.

"Oh, I remember! But I thought Anakin was a Jedi."

"He was, before he went rogue."

Jason was rubbing his chin in a mock-thoughtful way. "Darth Vader… _sweet_. That means I get my own theme song. But if I'm Darth Vader, and Timmy's Yoda, then who are you and Bruce?"

"Jason-" Bruce began.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi," Dick replied decisively. "Because I'm awesome."

Jason rolled his eyes, but Tim was frowning as he grabbed hold of Dick's hand. "No, you can't be Obi-Wan. For that, you'd have to be dead. I don't want you to be dead."

Dick did his best to resist laughing at Tim's expense, but couldn't help it and bent down and hugged him. "Aw, it's okay, Timmy. But for you, I won't be Obi-Wan, okay? So how about I be-"

"Hans Solo?" Tim cut him off, hopefully. Dick nodded.

"Yep, that's perfect, Timmy! I'll be Hans Solo."

"Then who's Daddy?" All three turned to look at Bruce, looking at him in concentration. "What about-?"

"Chewbacca!" Jason yelled, jumping up and punching the air. "He's Chewbacca!"

Bruce, hands full of two umbrellas and chairs, froze as he moved to stand up and gave Jason an incredulous look. _How the heck did he come up with that?_ The others seemed to want to know the same answer as they all stared at Jason in a dumbfounded way.

"What?" the boy shrugged. "He's too tall to be anyone else and he's big and muscular and hairy when he doesn't shave."

"And he's loveable!" Tim added. The two older boys laughed as Bruce smiled at the youngest. He sat the things down and bent, beckoning for Tim to come over. Tim ran into his arms and Bruce hauled him up into a bear hug.

"See? Told ya!" Tim grinned as he hugged his father's neck. Bruce sat him back down and started gathering the stuff again. "Just don't ask me to make the noise," he said as he handed Tim some towels to carry.

"Yeah, his throat gets sore enough from when he makes it with Selina-"

"JASON!"

Tim didn't understand the joke but shrugged it off like a trooper and started carrying the towels down to the beach. Bruce didn't miss the opportunity to give Jason a small, light smack behind his head, which only made the twelve year old laugh. Together, he and his other two sons finished unpacking the car and started walking down to the beach.

"Hey, know who Princess Leia is?" Jason asked. _Uh-oh, Jason don't you dare-_

"Who?" Dick asked, his face lit up mischievously. They all knew that Hans Solo married Leia, and Bruce didn't want any more hormones making their way into Dick's brain.

"Jason, don't even say it," he warned.

"What? I was just gonna say Barbara."

* * *

**Oh, look – a body diagram of hormones going to Dick's brain. Sorry, Bruce.**

**I wanted to add this about my other story 'A Second Chance': it's not on hiatus. It's just really hard for me to write this third chapter for some reason. I've started it over and over again fifty million times, but 50,000,001 seems to be working so it'll be posted soon (yay!) **

**Alright, so thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you enjoyed it and don't be afraid to leave me a review with any requests you may have or just to say something. Have a great day/night, everyone!**


	2. Beach Days (Part 2)

**AN: Thanks for the follows, reviews, and favorites. Hope you like Part 2 R&R**

**Dick: 14; Jason: 12; Tim: 6**

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Chapter 2 – Beach Days (Part 2)

"Aren't you going to get in the water, Tim?" Their chairs and the shady umbrellas were set up. Bruce was lying on one of the plastic chairs, while Tim was sitting on the ground beside him digging through the sand, examining each and every little shell he came across. Dick and Jason yelling insults – a habit Bruce had long ago tried to break – as they engaged each other in some sort of game they'd made up moments ago.

"Nah," the six year old said, picking up a small, broken sandy shell and gently dunking it a bucket of water he'd had Dick retrieve him. Cleaned off, he took another look at it. "Clam shell?" he asked, handing it to Bruce.

"Yep," Bruce replied, watching with slight amusement as Tim tossed it into a categorized pile of clam shell fragments. He glanced warily at his oldest two, making sure they weren't trying to drown one another, then looked at Tim again. "Tim, don't you want to play with Dick and Jason?"

Tim shook his head. Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Why not?" he inquired. The other two hadn't even waited to help set up before racing to the ocean – literally – and tackling each other.

"I don't wanna get sick," the six year old said simply. Bruce's eyes widened. That was _not_ the answer he expected. He put a hand on his forehead, trying to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind other than:

"_What_?"

"I said, I don't wanna get sick, Daddy," Tim repeated, looking at him. Bruce shook his head.

"Tim, you're not going to get sick from going in the ocean."

"Uh-huh," Tim argued. "There's all sorts of… uh, what – oh, yeah – there's lots of bacteria in the water. Bacteria makes people sick. I don't want to get sick, so I won't get in the water."

Bruce's mouth was slightly agape. "Bacteria? Tim, who told you that? Your teacher? Dick? Jason?"

"No," Tim said, confused by his father's reaction. "I watched it on the Discovery channel." Bruce slapped his forehead, causing Tim's eyebrows to raise. "Are you okay, Daddy?" he asked, worriedly.

"I'm fine, Tim, I'm fine," Bruce groaned. He looked at his son. "Tim, _why_ were you watching the _Discovery Channel_? That's for the adults, not little kids." _Please tell me they weren't showing the animals doing it. Please tell me I don't have to give my six year old 'the talk'_, Bruce silently begged.

"Because there was nothing on TV," Tim shrugged. "It's really interesting. You should watch it sometime, Daddy. We can watch it together!"

"Not until you're a little older," Bruce replied.

"But-"

"You're too young to watch the Discovery Channel, okay?" Bruce intervened. Seeing the formation of tears in Tim's eyes, he tried to save himself. "We'll watch something even better." He smiled brightly.

"The History Channel?" Tim perked up.

Bruce's face fell. "No, Tim. We're watching Disney Junior."

* * *

"Ha ha! Sucks to suck, doesn't it?" Jason taunted as he stood up, laughing as Dick climbed to his feet as well, spitting out salt water and glaring venomously.

"The only reason you won that time was because you _pushed me down_," he growled. Their game of seeing who could ride the waves on their bellies the longest was growing increasingly competitive. It was the only thing they could really do, since Bruce had gone on over-protective mode and told them they couldn't go out past their waists.

"No, I didn't," Jason said in all the innocence he could muster. "You just tripped and fell."

"I think I'd know if I- who's that?" he turned away from Jason as a car pulled up next to theirs in the distance. Jason puffed.

"Don't know, don't care. C'mon, there's a pretty big wave coming in. Let's have a rematch," he said, wading farther into the water. He got about ten feet away before he realized that his brother wasn't following, instead staring up at the figures getting out of the car. "Oh, come _on._" Jason grumbled.

He glared daggers at the person who'd stolen Dick's attention – a _girl_. She was pretty, with tanned skin and the type of golden hair that said she was a regular at the beach. Jason crossed his arms over his chest. It wasn't that he didn't _like_ girls, it was that they stole his time with his brother away. He and Dick never hung out much anymore, not since Dick had started getting really popular with the girls at Gotham Academy.

"Wow," Dick breathed. "She's…"

"Some random bimbo who's too old for you," Jason snapped. "Come on, Dick – the wave's coming in."

He rocked a little on the balls of his feet in annoyance as Dick made no move to follow him. Instead, the older boy said, "You go play, Jay. I… uh, just remembered that I-"

"Left something in the car?" Jason guessed, rolling his eyes. "Whatever."

He went deeper into the water, hoping Dick would join him when he saw that he was missing out on the fun. The wave broken and sped towards him. Jason turned and knelt down, waiting for Dick to come and join him, but was sorely disappointed when instead the teen started towards the shore.

"Seriously, Di-?!" Jason began to shout, but at the same time, the wave, bigger than he'd anticipated, crashed over him and rolled him on the sandy bottom beneath the water's surface for a few moments. When he surfaced, snorting salt water from his nose, he saw Dick jogging lightly up to where Bruce sat, talking to Tim about something that seemed to have gotten their father very upset.

* * *

"No, Tim – Disney Junior isn't for two year olds," Bruce said, trying to convince Tim that it was okay to watch the channel. "It's for six year olds, too."

Tim shook his head. "But it's boring."

"Tim, _Discovery Channel_ is boring. Disney Junior is… um, awesome?" He began massaging his forehead as he tried to think of another argument. Seconds later, his thought process was interrupted by Dick.

"Hey, Bruce – I, uh, forgot to get something out of the car," he said. "Mind if I go get it?"

"Fine, whatever, I don't care, go get it," he said quickly, too engaged in trying to 'dumb down' his six year old to argue the point. Dick's thanks went unheard as he looked at Tim and said, "What about Nick Jr. then?"

"It's even more boring! Why can't we watch the Discovery Channel or the History Channel or Animal Planet?" He asked. "At least then, we get to learn about cool stuff."

"You're too young, Tim," Bruce groaned. "Besides, I don't even allow Jason and Dick to watch the Animal Planet."

"Why?"

"Reasons." Translation: he still hadn't given the 'talk' to the older boys either.

"But why?"

"_Timmy_…" Bruce moaned. "Just trust me on this, okay, buddy?"

"If you say so, Daddy," Tim sighed, turning back to his shells. "What about National-?"

Bruce was saved by an agitated Jason plopping down on the sand next to Tim. His face was red, from either sunburn or anger. He picked up one of Tim's shells, staring at it moodily.

"Something wrong, Jay?" his father asked, already dreading having to intervene in yet another of Jason's and Dick's fights. _Why can't they ever get along?_

"Dick left me."

"He left something in the car."

"No, he didn't." Jason pointed up to the parking lot, where Dick was chatting with some blonde in a bikini.

"Boys," Bruce stood up, "Start packing the stuff."

"Yeah, so do you usually come to this beach?" Dick asked the girl, Clarissa, flashing a bright grin.

She nodded. "My family and I come here almost every weekend. My dad discovered it when he was trying to find the perfect place to throw our annual bonfire a few years ago."

"Annual bonfire?"

"We always have a bonfire to celebrate summer," she explained. "It's pretty cool. Maybe you could come sometime, Dick."

"I don't know, I mean, I have so much I gotta do-" Dick said, gesturing dramatically with his hands. He gave her another award-winning smile. "But I could always ask-"

"Hey, Dick-face, Dad says it's time to go home so we can apply your fungus ointment!"

Dick froze, eyes widened in shock and dismay as Clarissa stared at him in horror. She backed away, holding her hands up like he'd pointed a gun at her. "Um… you know, on second thought, maybe you shouldn't come to the bonfire after all."

Dick watched helplessly as she hurried away, back to where her family was heading down to set up their stuff. For a moment, he was speechless. Then, he narrowed his eyes, his chest beginning to rise and fall faster as his face took on an angry red color.

"Jason, I am going to KILL YOU!" He yelled, spinning around and running after his younger brother.

* * *

**Am I the only one who's too cheap to buy a boogie board (I don't know how to spell it), so they redneck it and ride the waves on their bellies? Maybe? Well, for the bonfire thing – it's something that I've grown up with people doing as a sort of 'welcome summer' thing. So, there's that explanation. Hope you liked and hope you laughed. R&R.**

**Oh, BTW: anyone heard of the 'Discovery Channel Song'? It lent some inspiration to this chapter. (Warning: the 'Discovery Channel Song' is not a good song to listen to without ear buds and/or if you have a thing against anything sexual.)**

**Still taking requests :)**


	3. A Growing Family

**Disclaimer (I keep forgetting this): I do not own Batman. Wish I did, but I don't. **

**A quick little side note: at the beginning of this series, Dick is still Robin but Jason is training to take the mantle because Dick's started thinking about becoming Nightwing (chapter on that later), and eventually (suspenseful thing, not gonna say) will happen to Jason, leaving Robin to Tim, till Damian gets it. Jason's gonna be the Red Hood, though – just not as… Red Hood-y… I don't know. -.- I'm sorry for that awful use of language, but I guess you get the idea.**

**Dick – 14; Jason – 12; Tim – 6**

**For: luvs2read :) Hope you like it!**

* * *

Chapter 3 – A Growing Family

"… and behave," Bruce finished, looking sternly at his boys. Mainly the older two, whose faces were sour due to the news they'd just received.

Bruce was leaving for the night to go on some mission that he wouldn't tell them about, and since Alfred had to leave for England a few days ago and wouldn't be back till day after tomorrow, he'd asked a certain someone to look after the boys. While Tim was happy about it, his brothers were far from it.

"Why Selina?" Dick complained. "She's _Catwoman_. Aren't you scared she'll take the family jewels, or something?"

"Nice try, Dick," Bruce commented dryly. "But no, I'm not. She's been straight for a while now and I wouldn't trust anyone more."

"That's only because you're fu-"

"JASON!"

"Fine," Jason grumbled. "That's only because you're dating her. Happy now?"

Tim, confused by Bruce's outcry, looked between father and son. Bruce was shaking his head, the vein in his forehead throbbing. Jason had a small, self-satisfied smile on his face when he saw Bruce's reaction and sunk into the cushions besides Tim.

"So you're dating Selina?" Tim asked meekly, trying to take his father's attention off of his wayward son. "Does that mean you'll get married?"

"I pray not," Dick muttered.

"Dick," Bruce said, warningly. He looked at Tim. "Yes, Tim, I'm dating Selina, but I'm not so sure about the 'marriage' thing."

"I thought if you dated, then you got married," Tim said. Dick shook his head.

"No, Timmy, you only get married if you love the other person very dearly. I'm not sure Bruce loves Selina that much."

"But maybe he will," Tim told him, cheerful despite the wide eyes his father was giving him. "Selina's nice!"

"You've only met her once," Jason commented.

"So? She was still nice."

"Alright," Bruce intervened as Jason and Dick both got ready to argue the point, laying a hand on Tim's small shoulder. "Tim, why don't you forget the marriage-thing, okay? Don't mention it to Selina for me."

The older two laughed as Tim stared at Bruce, not quite understanding why the other two were laughing, but he nodded. "I won't."

"Good. Thank you, Timmy," Bruce said. He ruffled Tim's black hair. "Listen, boys, I need to leave. Selina should be here in a few minutes. _Try_ not to destroy the house in that amount of time. Got it?" Once again, this was directed at Jason and Dick.

"How old do you think we are?" Dick asked, crossing his arms over his chest and plopping back against the sofa. "We'll be fine."

"_Behave_, too, Dick. Jason," he added, looking warily at the prankster. He loved his boys, but they could be monstrous when they wanted to. He bid them each a farewell, promising to be back and that he'd be getting a full report from Selina on their behavior, then had to give Tim another hug when the six year old latched onto his leg, before he finally made it out of the mansion.

Tim sighed sadly, then sat back down next to Jason, laying his head on his older brother's shoulder. "I hope Daddy gets back soon."

"I hope he gets back, but not soon," Jason said. Tim sat up and looked at him, eyebrows narrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"It means, we're about to have some fun," Dick replied, sharing a devilish grin with Jason. Without saying a word, they jumped up and ran upstairs. It was quiet for a good minute, before Tim told the silence,

"I'm telling Dad."

* * *

"Hey, Selina!" Tim called when the front door opened. He'd been waiting there for her arrival for a solid ten minutes, refusing to go find his brothers. Early on, he'd learned that when they were up to no good, he'd better stay away – or else he'd get in trouble too.

"Hey, kitten," Selina smiled, bending down. "Gotten taller since last time, haven't you?"

"Only by half an inch," Tim admitted. She laughed, then gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, you'll get taller." She stood up, looking around the mansion, green eyes narrowing suspiciously. "It's too quiet in here… where are the two gremlins at?"

Upstairs, Dick and Jason sat in Bruce's bedroom, the younger of the two nosily snooping through the things in their father's nightstand while Dick came up with an elaborate plan to, once and for all, get Catwoman _away_ from Batman.

"Why do you care so much, anyways?" Jason asked, looking at papers. "Who are these people?"

"Get out of Bruce's stuff, Jason," Dick reprimanded. "Trust me – he'll notice if the papers are out of order."

Jason's face froze. "Oh, yeah, you're probably right." He shoved the papers back in the drawer then laid down on Bruce's bed. "Man, this thing's soft. Why does he get the softest bed?"

"Because he's our father, that's why," Dick said. "Seriously, Jason? Do you even think before you speak?"  
"Nah, it's more fun to see what happens afterwards."

"Of course you'd think that."

"But seriously, why don't you want Selina with Dad? I mean, I'm not her biggest fan or anything, but at least she isn't one of Dad's exes. Those women were insane."

Dick rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't understand. You're not old enough to get it."

"I'm only two years younger than you!"

"Exactly. I've had more life experience."

"Like what? You found out that you shouldn't jump on top of Dad at five in the morning because it's Christmas. That's not life experience."

"I was doing it for Timmy!"

"He was the least excited! He didn't even care! You had to get him up, too!"

Dick shook his head. "That's a stupid argument. I just know that it's a bad idea for Selina and Bruce to get too close to one another."

"Why?" Jason started to grin. "What, are you jealous? Scared that she'll take Dad away?"

"No," Dick defended. "I just… I don't want her to hurt him, alright?" he admitted. Jason stared at him for a moment, one eyebrow raised.

"Really?" He asked. "That's why? Good grief. Dick-face, you're a wuss. I hope you know that."

"Stop calling me that!" Dick snapped, punching Jason's leg. Jason kicked back. Five seconds later, they were tackling one another while screaming out insults.

In the hallway, Tim was walking beside Selina. He grinned, pointing to Bruce's bedroom door, and said with pride, "Found them!"

"This is… food?" Dick poked unsurely at the take-out food. Selina rolled her eyes, choosing not to reply to the eldest Wayne child.

"What's your problem?" Jason asked. "This is the best Chinese take-out in Gotham."

"I've been to Chinese restaurants, Jason, this isn't Chinese," Dick grumbled. Tim was sitting by Selina – he'd been following her like a lost puppy ever since she'd arrived, much the same way he'd follow Bruce. It drove Dick crazy.

"Yeah it is, it's just the cheap version," Jason defended, taking another big forkful. While the other three were using chopsticks, he'd opted out. For one, he couldn't use them. Secondly, why use chopsticks when you could fit so much more on a fork? "I like it."

"Of course you would," Dick replied. They ate in silence for a few minutes, before Tim asked _the_ question:

"Hey Selina?" he asked, looking at her hopefully.

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"Are you gonna marry Daddy?"

Both Jason and Dick's mouths fell open, their food falling out. Then Jason started laughing and continued to do so till there were tears in his eyes, then kept laughing some more. Selina was staring at Tim in horror, while Dick had laid his head on the table, feeling a headache.

"Tim, you told Bruce you wouldn't ask that!" He said when he lifted his face from the wood, glaring daggers at the youngest. Tim blushed, looking down at his lap. Jason started to laugh again, over some inside joke that the other three didn't ask about - mostly because they were used to it by now. Dick turned his glare on Jason, then kicked the chair.

Jason attempted to stifle his laughter.

"Tim," Dick looked back at their baby brother, who was starting to shrink away. "Why did you ask that?"

"I…" Tears started forming in his big blue eyes. "I…"

"It's fine, Dick," Selina intervened upon seeing the oncoming waterworks. She wrapped her arm around Tim – he had refused to sit anywhere but beside her – and rubbed his arm gently. "I don't mind it."

"He told Dad, though." Dick didn't get it. Tim usually wouldn't go against Bruce like this. His mind put two and two together – and he looked at Jason. _No wonder he was laughing so hard! He tricked Timmy into asking her that! _Jason looked at Dick, then saw the look in his older brother's eyes.

"You know what?" Jason said, suddenly standing. "I'm suddenly not hungry. I'm going to bed. Goodnight!"

Jason jumped up and took off for his bedroom. Dick was quickly on his heels.

"JASON! I'm going to KILL you! AGAIN!"

Selina stared at them, confused for the millionth time that night. What was _wrong_ with those two? Tim, sniffling, answered that question without meaning to:

"A kid at school told me they have 'idiot-syndrome'. I think he's right." Selina burst out laughing.

* * *

Bruce entered Wayne Manor, gently hugging the bundle in his arms closer to his chest. He found Selina sleeping in the living room, Tim curled up next to her. She opened her eyes the second he entered, her eyes quickly travelling to the bundle. She sat up as he came to sit beside her, careful not to disturb Tim.

"Is this…?" She whispered, pulling the blanket away from the top of the bundle.

Bruce nodded, a grave but relieved smile on his face. "Yes, he's finally home. Where he should be. Selina, this is Damian."

* * *

**Damian – 2 :D**

**Sorry there wasn't much of Selina bonding with the boys, luvs2read, but I promise, there'll be more! Like I said, this is AU, but I'm sorry if she was a bit out of character… she's one of my favorite characters, but I've never written her before. Oh, and I guess anyone who read this noticed that Tim stuck to Selina like glue – I just thought it'd be cute. **

**So we finally have Damian in the story! (Yay!) There's going to be a lot more of him and Selina in the future chapters! Till next time, then – please R&R and I hope you enjoyed. **

**(I got the idea for Timmy staying with Selina because I have this little cousin that won't leave me alone and little kids have a way of being like that, so I thought it'd be a cute little factor, y'know?)**

**P.S. – If Dick seems a little mean, it's just because he's worried about Bruce. I don't plan on making him out to be the bad guy, because then I'd be the bad guy. Plus, Dick's a great character so why would I want him to be mean? That wouldn't be fun to write at all.**


	4. A Growing Family (Part 2)

**After an extremely long time between updates, I give you the next chapter. And boy, is it a beast. Yikes. Okay, so I hope you enjoy this chapter **** Forgive any grammatical mistakes, if you please. I tried. But if there are any that are absolutely atrocious little monsters out there, let me know. R&R**

**Dick – 14; Jason – 12; Tim – 6; Damian – 2 **

Chapter 4 – A Growing Family (Part 2)

Selina leaned against the doorframe, watching the two terrors with slight amusement. After both had ran off from dinner, she'd tracked them upstairs moments later to find that Dick had tackled Jason. Being the kind of person she was, she'd shrugged it off and walked away to let them deal with it. Little did she expect to come back almost three hours later to find Jason hog-tied and Dick coating his nails with a sheer pink polish (she didn't even want to know what ex of Bruce's _that_ came from).

She cleared her throat. "If you two are done with your little cat fight," she said, "then your father needs you downstairs."

"Bruce is back? Already?" Dick asked, leaping up to his feet, unashamed of his previous actions as he left Jason squirming on the floor with a week-old dirty sock in his mouth. The argument must have went beyond what had initially started it for Dick to be tormenting the kid this bad, Selina observed. He walked past Selina but she reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Not so fast, Thing 1. Free Thing 2 first," she ordered.

"Oh, he'll be fine. I've done this to him before," Dick said, pulling away and casually walking out without another word. Selina rolled her eyes. She was _so_ glad she hadn't had kids. _Well, scratch that , _she thought. The night spent with Bruce's three had actually been enjoyable – which was a huge surprise. Family nights weren't Selina's things, or so she'd thought. Maybe she'd just never found the right family. _Get a grip, Selina_, she scolded herself. _He has Talia's child, _his_ child. _

In a bored manner, she freed Jason. The twelve year old didn't bother to say 'thanks', instead informing her that:

"Now, he's gonna get it."

"Might have to make a rain check on those plans for a little while, kid," she replied, leaving the room with Jason in tow.

"What does Dad want, anyways?" Jason asked sourly, as if dreading whatever the answer might be. "And where was he?"

"He'll tell you all that in a moment." She sure didn't want to be the one explaining all of this. They descended the stairs in mutual silence and found their way to the living room. Dick was crowding Bruce, cooing over the little boy in his father's arms.

She looked back at Jason, to gage his reaction, and immediately dreaded what would follow when she saw his expression. Eyes wide and face blanched, Jason looked to be in shock for two precious seconds before his eyebrows narrowed and he stormed over to Bruce.

"No, _no_," he said. "We don't _need_ another brat running around here!"

"Hey!" Tim, who'd waken up at the prompting of Bruce earlier, snapped.

"Jason-" Bruce and Dick began at the same time, both voices holding a warning, though one held more anger and the other fear. Bruce wasn't in the mood to be pushed and Dick, somewhat understanding Jason's point of view, didn't want an argument to erupt on the first night that their brother was home.

"No! Why did you bring it here?" Jason demanded to know.

"_He_ is here because this is _his_ home," Bruce said slowly.

"This is our home, too! You could have asked us!" Jason argued.

Selina stepped forward, though God knows what she could do. She wasn't even quite sure she understood what was going on, much less how to solve it.

"I don't _have_ to ask you, this is my house and I'm the father!" Bruce growled. "I make the decisions here. This house isn't a democracy."

"Jason," Dick said, quick to intervene, "this is Damian. Our new baby brother. Which means Tim isn't the youngest anymore." (Said-brother snorted unhappily about _that_ prospect.) "Which means we have to teach him how to be an awesome older brother. Isn't that great?"

"No, it's not great! Why here? Doesn't he have any other family?"

"Jason Peter-" Bruce began before Dick intervened again.

"That's the thing! We _are_ his only family. Well, sort-of. There's some technicalities involved but, guess what? He's Bruce's biological son!"

The anger completely dropped from Jason's face as understanding dawned. Another, unreadable expression began to play on his features as his shoulders deflated. "Biological?"

"Yes," Bruce said, his voice softer. "He's mine… and Talia's."

"Talia's?" Tim asked. He hadn't been adopted yet when Bruce had been involved with Ra's al Ghul's daughter.

"Well, that's disgusting." Jason looked at Damian.

"How? Why? What do you mean 'biological'?" Tim questioned. He looked between everyone, waiting for a reply. Bruce didn't seem to know how to reply to that, so Selina told him.

"You know how you have the same blood as your original mom and dad?" She asked. He nodded. "Well, that's what biological means. They were your biological parents. Bruce and Talia are Damian's biological parents."

"Oh," Tim said meekly. Then, "Oh…" Like Jason, his excitement for a new brother was quickly diminished as his brain put things together.

"That probably wasn't a good time to mention that, was it?" Dick asked, faking a laugh. When he saw the lack of amusement on the others' faces, he looked down at his lap.

"There wasn't a good time," Selina said.

"Why not?" Bruce said. "It doesn't change anything. You're all still my sons."

Jason's face didn't portray the same relief that Tim's did. He backed away. "I'm going to bed," he announced, before walking off. They all watched, before Bruce sighed. He stared down at Damian. He wasn't ashamed of his child and he wouldn't give him up for the world.

"Can I go with Jay?" Tim asked quietly.

Bruce looked at him. "Aren't you excited to meet Damian, Timmy?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Go ahead," Bruce said. He reached to ruffle Tim's hair with his free hand, but the six year old was already rushing off. He sighed again. "I thought they'd be excited. That they'd be happy."

"They are; or, they will be," Dick said, as Selina came to sit in the space by Bruce that had just been cleared up. "It's just…"

"They're scared they'll lose you," Selina supplied, surprised with herself. She thought of Talia. "They're young. They're scared that because you have this history, this connection with him, that you'll forget them."

_Like I'm scared of losing you to Talia_, the part of her she despised, the one that unashamedly admitted what she really felt and thought, added silently.

Bruce looked into her eyes, reading them in the way only he could, and smiled gently. "He's my son. I can't erase what happened between Talia and I – it's always going to be there."

"Throwing up all over you, just to remind you," Selina commented, with a slight grin.

"And because I love him, I'll always have some small part of me that still cares about her. But what we used to be is in the past, now. These boys are my family, and whatever I still feel about Talia, doesn't even begin to measure up to how…"

He faltered. Dick, despise Selina as much as he did (well, despise was a little strong – dislike was the better description) shoved Bruce in the back.

"How he feels about you," Dick finished for him. "Give him credit. He usually isn't even that good about expressing his emotions."

"That wasn't what I was going to say," Bruce said. Selina's face faltered. _Oh, hell. See what you've gotten yourself into, Selina? This is why you never get close to a man, because- _"I was going to say…" He took a deep breath, seeming to pull whatever it was from deep inside. "How much I lo..." Dick shoved him. "Love you." He finished.

"Was that you, or the fourteen-year-old shoving you?" Selina questioned slowly.

"Me," Bruce admitted. He leaned closer-

"Hey, cut it out! You've got a two-year-old and a fourteen-year-old who really don't want – nor need- to see that," Dick announced. "Wait till tomorrow night's charity banquet. Besides, there's somebody else you need to have a heart to heart with. Actually, _two_ somebody else's."

"You're right," Bruce said, nodding. "Think you two can handle Damian while I go find them?"

Selina nodded and Dick frowned when Bruce handed the toddler to _her_ instead of to him. "How is this kid still asleep?" Selina asked when she realized that he had been napping the _entire_ time. "How did he not get woke up?"

"He's part al Ghul – probably got it from his grandfather. I hear he takes long naps before waking up in the Lazarus Pits," Dick suggested.

"Actually," Bruce said, "I couldn't get him out with him crying."

"You didn't give him a sedative, did you?!" Dick cried.

"No, of course not! His body couldn't have handled it."

"So…?" Selina asked.

"Alfred's herbal tea is good for something," Bruce said with a shrug.

Selina shook her head as Dick said, "I'm signing you up for parenting classes on how to properly care for a small child."

"It's not going to hurt him. He actually seemed to like it."

"Wait, isn't that the same tea you always give Jason before you're supposed to spend a father-son day together? That he always passes out before?"

Bruce looked away. "Speaking of Jason, I'm going to-"

"Bruce! You're _horrible_!" Dick cried.

Bruce shrugged. Watching his father stride away, Dick told Selina, "I can't believe I got him a 'Father of the Year' cup for Father's Day. Talk about bad judgment."

* * *

"Jason?" Tim peeked into his older brother's room, unsure of whether to walk on in or if he should wait. Jason seemed mad and Jason could be scary when he got mad. He didn't even see Jason at first, till he spotted him sitting against his dresser, flipping through a book of some sort. "Jay?" He peeped.

Jason finally looked up at him.

"What is it?" The older boy asked, voice neither mad nor sad. Tim didn't understand what could be bothering him so much.

"Can I come in?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, whatever."

Tim crept inside, silently closing the door behind him, and shyly came forward. Jason wasn't looking at him and Tim waited for him to say, or do, something. When he didn't, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jason lied. Even Tim knew he was lying.

"Are you sure?"

"I think I know if I'm fine or not, Tim," Jason snapped. Seeing the hurt puppy-dog look on Tim's tiny face, he let out a long breath and shut his book. He patted the spot beside him. "Sit down, Timmy. I'm sorry for snapping, alright?"

Tim nodded and obeyed, curling up with his knees to his chest next to his older brother. Jason wrapped a comforting arm around him. He wasn't the only one struggling with the idea of a new brother, especially one that had a leverage that they'd never have.

"Daddy still loves us, right?"

"Yeah, of course," Jason replied.

"But we're not his bio… bioli- biological sons," Tim said sadly.

"He loved us before, though," Jason pointed out. It always surprised him how by being the big brother, he would answer his own questions. He had been worried, even scared, that Bruce wouldn't care at all about him now that he had Damian. He'd let himself think about why Bruce wouldn't love him like he loved the others. After all, he wasn't the youngest, the smartest, or the oldest. He was the middle child, the unspectacular one.

"So he'll love us now?" Tim asked, tears pooling in his big blue eyes.

"Yeah. He'll love us now," Jason said with a small smile to reassure himself that it was true. Tim was silent.

"Do you really think I'm a brat?" he asked after a minute of sniffling and trying to hold back his tears.

Jason felt ashamed of himself as he thought back to what he'd said. He was always good at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, wasn't he? Honestly, that's what he'd thought when Tim first came. He couldn't stand even being near him. Even though he was younger, Tim was already proving that he was crazy smart and that he'd be the perfect contender to take Bruce's place when Bruce could no longer stand in it. Plus, Bruce and everyone else adored him.

It hadn't been like that when Jason came. Dick had been cold towards him, clearly not happy to have him around, but had welcomed Tim with open arms. Bruce was always expectant of Jason to live up to his expectations, so sure that he could be so much better, (_so much more like Dick_, Jason thought) but he was perfectly fine with Tim being the way he was. The only person who didn't seem to treat Jason any different was Alfred.

That had been the main reasons for his upmost contempt for the younger boy when Tim was adopted last year. He hated how Bruce didn't spend as much time even yelling at him now that there was some cute little kid in the picture. He and Bruce hardly got along well as it was. The few times they did were quickly diminishing in number, and he had, admittedly, blamed Tim for it.

Then that had changed. Last summer, Dick had left to spend a week with the Teen Titans. An opportunity that he couldn't afford to miss, even if Tim was severely upset by it and Bruce was insanely against it. Dick usually found a way to get things like he wanted them, though, so Bruce had given in. That same week, Bruce got into a huge fight with Bane who'd come to Gotham for a rendezvous with a man that was trying to amplify the effects of Venom. Unfortunately for Bruce, Bane used him as a trial run for his new formula.

Needless to say, despite winning in the end, the encounter did _not_ go well for the Bat. With the excuse of a car wreck (and actually crashing a perfectly good luxury-sports car), Alfred forced him into going to the hospital due to the extent of his injuries. The doctors had told the butler that things weren't looking very good for Bruce, who could possibly be paralyzed due to an injury to his spine. Distressed, Tim started crying his eyes out and with Alfred too busy conversing with the doctors, the only person available was Jason.

It was the first time he'd ever actually been nice to Tim. He'd pulled his baby brother into his arms, hugged him, and promised him that Bruce was going to be alright. Tim had seemed scared of this new, nice Jason at first, but that quickly disappeared when he thought of how much scarier it was if something bad happened to Bruce.

So they'd spent the night at the hospital with Tim curled up next to Jason. Once Alfred came to sit with them, Jason asked what was wrong. Tim had been too hysterical to actually mention what the doctors had said and when Alfred told him what was happening, and that things were starting to look better, he'd breathed a sigh of relief.

"Timmy, you know what it means to be 'paralyzed' right?" Jason asked, though he was sure that this was the one thing even the pint sized genius didn't know.

"That he might die?" Tim guessed, wiping away tears with the back of his hand.

"No, Master Timothy," Alfred said. "It just meant that Master Bruce might not have been able to move certain parts of his body anymore. Such as his arm, or leg."

"That's not going to happen, is it?" Tim had squeaked.

"No. Thankfully, Master Bruce will be perfectly fine."

"So he can still be Batman?"

"Once he heals completely," Alfred said, nodding as Tim grinned. Jason snorted.

"He won't even give the cuts time to heal before he tries to go in the cave," Jason had told him. Tim had laughed and, even though he felt a lot better, he refused to leave Jason. He'd curled up and went to sleep with the relief of the news, head on Jason's chest. Ever since then, Jason had thought a lot more fondly of his little brother. So he said it honestly when he told Tim:

"No, Timmy, I don't think you're a brat."

They sat together, in a similar way to they had that night at the hospital, Tim hiding against Jason, scared of the future. The bedroom door creaked open and both boys watched as their father stepped in. Jason thought of how many nights he'd been scared for his father's safety as the man gave them a grim smile.

"Can I sit down?" Bruce asked.

"Sure," Jason shrugged. Bruce lowered himself to the ground awkwardly and sat down across from them. He took a big breath, in a rare moment actually appearing to be unsure of himself.

"I'm sorry, Dad." Jason said before Bruce could gather his thoughts. Bruce looked at him in surprise.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm sorry," Jason repeated. Tim stared up at him, with an incredulous look in his eyes. "Don't make me say it again. Please," he added.

"I won't," Bruce smiled. "But I've got something to say myself."

_Uh-oh_, Jason thought, hugging Tim a bit tighter.

"Nothing bad," Bruce said when he noticed this. "Actually, both of you come here." Jason raised an eyebrow but Tim obediently crawled over. "Jason?"

"Fine," Jason grumbled, sliding over to sit on Bruce's other side. He was surprised when their father suddenly wrapped them both in his arms. Bruce _never _did this. Was he drugged? Did he injure his brain while rescuing Damian?

"I know you two think that I'm not going to love you as much as I do Damian," Bruce said. "And that's not true. I love Damian just as much as I love you two, or Dick."

"Do you love Selina?" Tim questioned.

"Um, later, Timmy," Bruce told him. Jason laughed.

"Listen, boys, the point is: I love you. Both of you. For who you are, even if you aren't my sons biologically. Because I'm telling you, boys, there are a _lot_ of things thicker than blood."

"What does-?"

"Just hug him, Tim," Jason said, as he wrapped his own arms around Bruce. "I love you, too, Dad."

* * *

**So, what'd you think? Love it, hate it? Wanna throw it out the window? Erm, kidding on that last one. I sincerely hope I'm not the cause of death of some poor electronic device. Seriously, though: let me know what you guys thought. I hope it's good **

**Alright, so this wasn't exactly the happiest of chapters, but I was trying to think of a realistic reaction to the introduction to Dami. Don't worry – next chapter is going to be a lot more upbeat, with Damian finally getting some major plot time. I mean, it's bound to be an adventure with three brothers, Selina, Alfred on his way home (Whoops, spoiler), and Bruce for a father. So 'yay!' for laughs next chapter. At least, I hope you laugh.**

**Last thing: sorry if Bruce was unusually good with his emotions. And he and Jay were a bit OOC. I put forth my best effort. Till next time, R&R, and thanks to all you awesome folk that have left reviews and have followed and/or favorited! Still taking requests and actually working on some at this moment. They'll be up soon**


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